Fate is funny. You weren’t sure why you reached out to me, and I wasn’t sure why I replied. Now we both understand. We needed to release ourselves from our pasts once and for all. Why do we think we know what’s going on inside of other people? How could we?
You’re right, I had no idea what you went through, and I do appreciate your candor about what transpired in your home. I believe you when you say your soul suffered. Violence in any form leaves more scars within then it ever could on the outside, and I’m glad you are getting counseling.
I’m sorry your mother never found her power. Please learn from her mistakes. Let go of all the hurt and pain, and believe in your worth. Your mother didn’t, and she married a different man only to find herself in the same situation again. She taught you what to accept and what her normal looked like. Naturally, you allowed your stepbrother to abuse you, too.
You’re not useless, Jolyne. Dave didn’t take your power because it can’t be taken away. We may believe another took this from us, but that’s never so. It sounds like we both didn’t like who we were. Your family made you hate yourself for not being pretty enough or thin enough. I can relate; I hated myself from the start.
Lying becomes who we are. A way of covering up our self-loathing, but secrets feed our shadow. We use this energy to lash out and hurt others through verbal, emotional, and physical cruelty. It is a vicious cycle of projection and reflection.
Because I never liked who I was, I agreed when you said and did those horrible things to me. When I repeated your words to myself, they felt true. Now I realize I didn’t hate Jim; I hated not being me. You told me your father wished for a son, so did mine. When I told my parents my secret, they thought I was trying to escape something. I told them I wasn’t running from something; I was rushing toward who I really was.
I found myself. It took me years to make my transition, but now I’m who I was meant to be. I want you to find your voice as I did mine. You’re rising above your past, and I do forgive you. I genuinely believe you are sorry. I accept you, Jolyne, for who you are. I hope you can accept me and allow me to be part of your ongoing journey.
I will meet you at the reunion with hopes of starting a new friendship— one in which we lift each other up. I told you I’ve changed, so you won’t recognize me. Let me just say, I’ll be the girl in the white dress and I’ll carry a red rose, so you’ll know it’s me.
See you soon, and I’ll sign off with the name I go by now.