Polarized, Entry One

Therapy entry, October 8

Dear Journal,

Since a two-week stay in the mental health unit at Evergreen Heights Hospital, I missed our alone time. You and your pages are my loyal confidants. Dr. Medford insisted he read everything, so I had to be careful about what I wrote to you. The doctor said he needs me to continue writing to you while I am home.

Finally, I am home now and will have you to myself. My husband, Cole, picked me up to take me away from there, and he seemed distant. I might be wrong, though. Perhaps the clinical environment made things seem unnatural for both of us. Don’t get me wrong; he was kind and gentle with me.

I think my mind is my own now and is free of clutter. I love my husband, and I don’t understand why he thinks I am angry with him all the time. I hope you can help me remember what happened two weeks ago. The doctor seems to think that I will remember more in a familiar environment. I have appointments with him every Wednesday. I told him that whatever happened to scare my husband wasn’t my fault. The doctor suspects someone coerced me to act as I did. I wish I could remember the events that caused this mess.

After we arrived home, Cole suggested I go to bed and rest. He said he was going to a meeting at an agency to discuss setting up a schedule for help around the house. He plans to hire a housekeeper and a chef. Why would he want to do this? I am perfectly capable of doing those things myself.

My husband doesn’t want me to cook for him. Why? He used to love my cooking. I’m afraid to disagree with him because I don’t want to lose him.

I slept so well last evening and through the night that I only now woke up, and it is the next morning. I don’t remember changing my clothes, though. I was wearing gray sweat pants and a t-shirt when I came home. Now, I’m in my pink pajamas. My sweetheart is already gone, and I wonder where he went.

Today is Saturday, and he doesn’t work on the weekends. I wanted him here next to me this morning. I am surprised that he didn’t leave me a note telling me where he went. He doesn’t normally leave so early on a Saturday. It is only eight-thirty in the morning. He’s usually drinking his coffee and watching the news at this hour.

I looked in the garage, and the car is still here. He did mention that he wanted to start walking or running in the mornings. Maybe that’s what he’s doing. I’m not sure, though.

I am so happy to be home. I’m sure Cole is doing something nice for me. He loves me and wants things to work out. I noticed he left me some fresh fruit and a hard-boiled egg in the fridge. I do find it strange that he didn’t make a pot of coffee. He will probably be home soon. I promise to let you know when he arrives.

Do you think he will sleep in the same room with me tonight? It will make me feel secure if he does.

I need to keep you hidden and in a safe place. What I say to you must remain between the two of us. I don’t want my husband, the doctor, or anyone else to see what I write to you. We belong to each other and nobody else.

Your penned friend,

Jorja


To read more work from this author, visit her website at Jill Yoder – Inspired Pen.

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