Polarized, Entry Two

Therapy entry, October 15 

Dear Jorja, 

Surprise, I’m back. In truth, I never left. Did you think I would slip into the background— integrate and become consumed by you? 

Admit it, I’m the loyal confidant you spoke of, not the pages in this journal, and certainly not Dr. Medford. You reached out to me. Communicating this way is rather exciting, don’t you agree? I mean, I see and hear everything. You always remain in the dark when I come out. Now, I can tell you what happens while you’re gone. Do you want me to share? 

Gawd, I thought we would never receive a discharge from Evergreen. Fourteen days is a long time. The day Cole waltzed in to take us home, I almost punched him in the nose. The closer he got, the greater my temptation to lash out, but our freedom reigned imperative. He’s such an idiot, yet you find him gentle and kind. Coward is more like it. He is afraid of me, and he damn well should be. I’m what happened two weeks ago, me! 

There you stood, cooking dinner like a good wife when out of nowhere, he pops in a cassette of an old home movie. I didn’t know we owned a VHS player, or that he kept those tapes. I tried to behave, to stay quiet, but I heard father’s voice, and your hand quivered. I understood no other choice existed, so I took control. 

I threatened him and told him to leave. I hoped he recognized the seriousness of the situation, or at least of the knife in my hand. He slithered away, and I should have kept a closer eye on him, but the roast smelled so delicious. I lost myself in the moment and didn’t even notice he wasn’t at the table while I dined on the fine meal you prepared. 

I suppose he seized this opportunity and called for the ambulance. Of course, he did, because two white-uniformed men marched in and forced us to comply. I glared at Cole with dagger eyes until the buckles cinched. I only disappeared because of our restraint. You’re much better at tolerating those situations.

He didn’t disclose anything to your doctor, or to you for that matter. After my confession, do you assume he protected you by not revealing what transpired? No, he wanted you in Evergreen. He signed the papers and carved out two weeks for himself to play bachelor. Don’t believe me? Go to the hamper. His clothes wreak of another woman. 

Stop fawning over him. Your sweetheart? He’s a weak, pathetic man incapable of doing anything for you. All his actions are with his own best interest in mind. He should have heeded my warning and left while he still had the chance. Don’t you worry, Cole’s not going to be a problem. I’ve taken care of it, and I’ll keep taking care of you, like always. 

I’ll leave you now. Go fix your hair and put on that innocent pink lipstick. Just remember, we belong to each other. Isn’t that what you wrote? To each other and to nobody else? Those words never rang truer. 

Your only friend, 

Judith

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