Therapy entry, October 22
No! Dr. Medford told me you left—forever, and for good. How did you find me? How did you find my journal? I hid it, where nobody would ever think of looking.
I’m confused because there is no way you could hide so well at Evergreen, but I could be wrong as I often am. I find myself thinking about the fun we had with Cole. Do you remember? That evening, he didn’t know which one of us he was talking to from moment to moment. Of course, I felt guilty for taunting him. It was your idea, and I should have stopped us from taking part in the deception. I always give in to your will, though. I try to fight you, but I fade into the background.
I feel stronger since my stay at Evergreen. I only hope I don’t lose ground and take two steps backward. The fact that you found your way inside my space—my mind scares me. We don’t need you, Judith. I don’t need you, and I don’t want you here. Cole and I can work on our relationship and make things better. It is me he loves, not you.
What do you mean when you say my husband won’t be a problem anymore? I wish you would stop interfering with our progress. Please promise me you will not cause problems between Cole and me. You had better not do anything to discourage him from coming home.
It is obvious you don’t like him, but I love him. You and I never agree on this issue. Cole has so much good in him, but you only see a target to practice your malicious behavior. We aren’t perfect, and I don’t expect him to be a flawless man. I do think he loves me and wants to work things out. I don’t believe he played the bachelor while I was at the hospital.
One more thing. I don’t need or want you to take care of me. I can take charge of myself. I may falter now and then, but I can fix things with my husband without your influence. I beg you to stay away. Please, please leave. You must realize that it is always your presence that creates the issues that arise in my marriage. Why don’t you want me to succeed?
Cole should be home soon. I’m going to take a nap, and when I wake, I imagine he will be downstairs in the family room watching TV.
By the way, you are not my only friend. I do have friends, but you scare them away. I can understand why, because you also make me nervous. I’ll say this one more time—please leave me alone.